Radical Lutheran Militants Attack Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Angryman Saves The Day
In response to comments made on National Public Radio about the public outcry concerning the building of a new Moslem Community Center in the town of Murfreesboro, Tennessee; a group of Radical Lutheran Militants staged a raid yesterday evening to “contain the contagion” as they put it. “There is an epidemic in this country and we need to stop it before the whole country is infected.”
While a hundred or so Moslem men prayed quietly inside the Center, the local Tea Party founderand her Fundamentalist “Christian” band of Holy Roller Raiders consisting of about one third of the town, spilled into the
streets, already worked up into a religious frenzy. One local resident who was crouched behind a pickle barrel in front of the General Store told this reporter, ” Yes’sr, they came runnin’ out of the Aposticostle church over there; shaking and whining like a dogs shitin’ peach seeds”. Though several of the raiders attempted to speak to the press, they were unable to get their side of the story out as none of the journalists were able to understand the Local Church representatives who claimed to be speaking in the “Tongues of Angels” As no Angels could be located to act as translators, the interview was abandoned and the frustrated church members commenced to rolling and quivering and they shouted anti- Moslem slogans such as “Islam is not a religion” and “Put a masque on that mosque” and “ You damn Moslems just want to take over the Bible Belt” (Oddly, in perfect English)
Members of the local Moslem community who have lived among their neighbors without a ripple of discontent or controversy for thirty years stood in puzzled amazement as the scene played out. “
The disconsolate Moslem community leader Imam Ossama Bahloul stood on the steps of the mosque and shouted at the frenetic mob.
“We did not do anything,” he says. “Nothing; Zero.”
For 30 years, he says, we had no problems here.
Then from somewhere in the center of the crowd a voice rang out in anger.
“Then who has been attacking us? It wasn’t a bunch of Radical Lutherines!
“Well it is now.” yelled a voice of commanding power and resonance.
And with that the Radical Lutheran Militants charged into the street from their place of concealment and just when they were about to pounce upon the delirious mob with great dexterity thereby rendering them into a viscous pile of quivering flesh………………………………………………………………. Angryman streaked (Seriously, he streaked. That angry Bastard wasn’t wearin’ nothing but a smile and a pair of 1967 P.F. Flyers on his oversized clompers.) into center of the confrontation and held up his hand to stop the oncoming Lutherans.
Yes it was Angryman; hero of song and story; legend in his own mind ;defender of the downtrodden; fabled loud mouth with more balls than brains.
“Stop. Wait.” He screamed at the oncoming hoard. And somehow the screeching fury of the Angryman stopped the indignantly furious Lutherans in their tracks……… Or perhaps it was the foul smell of his coffee and tobacco reeking breath; I can’t really say. (Caffeine being one of the principle ingredients in Angryman’s “Angry Elixir” which he uses to bring on an almost Psychotic state of rage to battle the forces of HATRED, INTOLLERANCE, and the EVIL REPUBLICAN TEA PARTY.)
But what I can say and with certainty is that they stopped……………and stumbled……………..and fell……………then got up again……………..then stumbled……………..then finaly stood proudly and defiantly before the obviously enraged doer of dauntless deeds.
Then Angryman held up his hand again. But this time the sweet strains of a lute could be heard in the air.
So he put it down. And the music stopped.
So he put it up again. And it started.
Down again, stop
Up again, start
Then with a confused yet determined, yet confused, and yet somehow still angry look on his face; (Because he is Angryman ) Angryman said to the congregated Lutheran Radicals,
“Now, now, now, now, now…….You just hold your horses there my young reformationist friends,”
“Please don’t pummel and maim and fracture and liquefy these poor people you see here. It’s not their fault that they are as you see them today. They were always possessed by some demonic spirit but they were generally quiet and kept off to themselves just rolling and shaking and speaking that strange angel tongue thing, THEN!”
“a few years back, new force began moving among them A new influence so deadly, so insidious, so not nice; why it’s……… it’s……..it’s downright UNAMERICAN; that’s what it is.”
“Please my wise old friend”, The Lutheran leader said to Angryman “Continue; tell us more of this new EVIL.”
So Angryman proceeded to tell the story of the EVILTEA PARTY and its plan to lay hold of America for its own purposes. Of how these Republican Fanatics had discovered a group of gullible, superstitious, backwoods type Fundamentalists, meeting in and old dirty white clapboard church and realized that they could buy, eh, donate their way into the top levels of the church. Suddenly, as if springing up out of the ground, new, grandly appointed Fundamentalist churches were found to be right in the center of towns where previously they had been restricted to old back-road shacks and tents. And some of the formerly obscure worshipers had the chance to quiver and roll around on the television and some were even on the program showing on that television; where all of America could witness their fanatical devotion to the con-man ministers and their vastly more powerful and dangerous masters, the EVIL TEA PARTY. Now, firmly ensconced in the heart of the Bible Belt they wait, in the shadows, pushing ultra extreme republican conservatism now, using their Radical Right-wing Republican wiles to increase membership in the newly wealthy religious; …..No wait, it’s political; or is it religious? Political; Religious; who can tell what kind of movement (Angryman says ”It’s probably just a bowel movement”.) it is when these nominally faith driven; actually capitalism driven preachers start healing the sick of the liberal virus (and oh by the way, we got rid of that kindness bug and compassion flu you were suffering from as well.) and casting out liberal spirits and speaking of fiscal conservatism like it was in the Bible or like Jesus called these Tea Party members to a meeting and gave them the inside scoop about how to save America with frugality. But all the while they are patiently waiting for the right time; after the nation has torn itself to pieces with Partisan politics and unrelenting greed to turn the whole country into easily led, tongue speaking, snake kissing, holy rollin’ servants of Satan just like themselves.
So, the Lutherans came to understand that these poor saps were blameless and that the real perpetrators of this bigoted, intolerant and vicious attitude toward these local Moslem people who had never caused so much as a ripple of unrest, was the wealthy, Republican leaders of the Tea Party.
And the Lutherans walked away; secure in the knowledge that the people they had come to admonish were not a threat to them or the rest of America as long as we all remember what Angryman says about them, and their Tea PartyMasters;
Angrymansays: “You can’t believe a word that comes out of their lying, sadistic, bigoted mouths”
And that’s the story except that Angryman might not be done just yet. There are rumors that Radical Elements of the Methodist, Presbyterian, and Episcopal churches, as well as a special ops team from the militant arm of the community of Friends (Quakers) may be planning their own attack or attacks in the near future.
“Hi. I’m Angryman and I don’t know how long it will take the power hungry, money grubbing right-wingers like the Tea Party to learn what cruel and ruthless tyrants the world over have learned in the past. That Americans ain’t as dumb as we look; but when the Tea Party tells you they want to help you; or that their concern is the well being of America; just remember:”
Angryman says, “You can’t believe a word that comes out of their lying, sadistic, bigoted mouths”
And the Moslem community of Murfreesboro, Tennessee who have lived among their neighbors without a ripple of discontent or controversy for thirty years continues to pray quietly in their new community center and live at peace with the two-thirds of the town that have supported them all along.
As it should be in A M E R I C A