The American Way–Hi. I’m Mitt Romney And I Approve This Message.

21 Oct

Hi America.

I know that I got spanked like a bad puppy at the last debate and was left standing on stage crying and whining like a dog shitting Peach seeds; and there is no reason to believe I will do better this time.

I mean; I know nothing of foreign policy unless you mean a foreign country’s policy about numbered bank accounts and off shore hidden accounts.

But I believe I can solve our foreign policy problems because I saved the Olympics; I mean talk about tough negotiators. Those little Chinese acrobats are vicious.

So. Foreign Policy?…………..

……….The Middle East is the big problem.

The problem in the Middle east is that their people are all wrapped up in their Prophet and god instead of buying and selling stock and learing how to cheat on their taxes

On my first day in office; I will sit down with these Muslims and tell them how it is.

We are America after all.

And it isn’t as if they have a real religion.

The Angel “Moroni” visits Joeseph Smith. (Did anyone notice how close Moroni is to Moronic? Just saying)

How could anyone believe in a religion that says an angel came down and told some regular Joe what he

wanted people to do and believe?

120 men, women, and children peacfully on their way to California were murdered by local Mormons in Mountain Meadow, Utah because they “THOUGHT” one of the settlers “MAY” have killed a Mormon leader elsewhere.

And then allows them to have multiple wives and kill people they perceive as their enemies.

Hard to believe I know but these people really believe this stuff.

What they need is an appreciation for the American way and the Capitalist System.

Second leader of the Mormons; Brigham Young had Fifty-five (55) wives

On my first day in office I will move several large American companies to the Middle East. This will create jobs as I have promised to do.

Modern Mormons try to deny there polygamist past but the proof is abundant and some Mormons still live a Polygamous life.

The American Middle Class is already bearing the brunt of running America while America’s wealthy; like myself; hoard all the cash and property we can find or steal or hide or cheat for.

If America’s wealthy; like myself;  invest in the Middle East; there is no reason they shouldn’t have to pay to run those countries as well. Pay with their jobs and their taxes and their lives if we are lucky. That will cut the need for social programs and welfare and allow us to create even more hidden wealth that we will avoid paying taxes on by cheating and lying.

It is the American way.

And by the way; shouldn’t America be grateful to myself and my wealthy friends?

If it wasn’t for the vast fortunes that we have amassed. If we wealthy didn’t get to live like pampered kings. If we weren’t allowed to “legally” cheat on our taxes; where would the rest of you get the low paying jobs that keep you subsisting with just enough to keep working?

By the way; did you know that the American economic landscape is much like the Mojave Desert?

All of you are like people lost in the desert without water.

We; the American wealthy; like myself are the saguaro cactus of the desert.

The Suguaro Cactus. It can keep you alive; but just.

We could act like a wide flowing river bringing water equally to all the inhabitants but that wouldn’t be the American way.

To give water to all as they need it and allow them to have extra water?

No; the saguaro is the American Cactus and we are the Americans. Real Americans who know how to cheat and steal and say no to altruism.

We are like the saguaro because if you are in the desert and thirsty and you cut saguaro to get at the water inside; and if you sit in the sun and work diligently at the cutting all day; you can extract just about enough water to allow you to sit in the sun and cut cactus all day; to get enough water to sit in the sun and cut cactus all day etc.

Now that is the American way for honest people. If you want to do better; learn to cheat and steal; like the wealthy; like myself.

My name is Mitt Romney and I would approve this message; if I wasn’t such a lying; cheating; shit eating Republican.


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